Birth of Caius Jacob October 4, 2017 8:45pm

 

Labor and delivery:

The day started at 6:30ish. I got Ari off to school. We’d walked down to the sidewalk to wait for Glissa, Ari’s best friend. I was back in bed by 6:38. I don’t think I put anything on my kindle to listen to like I usually do. I dosed off but woke up at 7:30 and every hour after that until about 10. Lindsey text me asking if I wanted to go to a Baby Bottom dollar sale at the Oregon Fair grounds, (I think that’s what it was called) Here are the texts:

Lindsey Oct 4, 6:34am: “I woke up with a weird feeling that you are in labor. How are you?”

Me: Oct 4, 6:36: “Not in labor ;) still normal lol going back to sleep (I typed sleel) , Ari just left with her friend.”

Lindsey Oct 4, 6:37am: “Ok lol love you rest well seester”

Me: 6:38am: “Loveee you! I’ll text you when im do. I won’t leave you in the dark… Unless its the middle of the night then I wont wanna wake you! :) “

Lindsey: 6:39am: “Wake me!”

Me: 6:39am: “Lol ok!”

Lindsey Oct 4 10:59am “Want to go to the baby bottom sale in Salem at the fairgrounds?”

Me: Oct 4, 11:09am: “I’m gunna skip it :) I have a headache… Either need a nap or a pop lol… I thinkg today might be it… I just downloaded a timer thing just in case. I’m getting that annoyed irritated feeling you know when ur uncomfortable? Lol”

Lindsey 11:10am: “Yeah do you want me to bring you a soda or anything?”

Me: 11:11am: “I have a case of pop in the fridge, thanks tho ;-) “

Lindsey 11:12am: “I can come over and clean and you can nap and maybe go for a walk after.”

Me: 11:15am: “Ur funny! Yesterday I vacuumed, shampooed the carpet did laundry, we walked to the store, cleaned off the back porch, replanted plants. Maybe that did it ;) “

Lindsey: 11:16am: “Do you have an appt today?”

Me: 11:19am: “Yeah at 2:40. Moms gunna drop me off before she heads to work. (my phone is gunna die soon so I need to put it on the charger in the kitchen, so I won’t be respond as fast) I’ll keep you posted tho!”

Lindsey: 11:21am: “Ok get some rest and eat something cuz you never know lol”

Lindsey: 2:39: “Do you want someone to be with you at you appt.?

Me: 2:51pm: “I’m just got finished :) In labor, 5cm.. I’m gunna walk over to the hospital I think :) “

Me: 2:51pm: “Unless you wanna drive me the 40 feet over? Lol”

Lindsey: 2:54pm “I be there in two”

I sat down outside the doctor’s office, on the curb in the last parking space for a couple minutes but I was getting a bit uncomfortable, so I walked across the parking lot to these stairs that lead up to the road. I was gunna walk up those to wait for Lindsey, but she pulled up before I could lol.

Me and mom:

Me: 11:21am: “My battery is about to die, so I’m gunna put my phone on the charger, but I think today might be it! I just downloaded a timer thing on my kindle. Gunna lay in my room and watch a movie :) I don’t think i’ll make this appointment after all… I’m sure its not gas lol

Mom: Oct 4, 11:23am: On my way.

Me: Oct 4, 11:23am: “You dnt (don’t) have to hurry :) “

Mom: 11:25am: I know

Me: 2:52pm: “Yep, 5cm and 90% efaced, so in labor she said.”

Mom: 2:54pm: “Are you going to the hospital?”

Me: 2:55pm: “Yeah, Lindsey’s gunna come take me over. I don’t wanna waddle over lol” (It was getting a bit uncomfortable to walk through the contractions! I could tolerate them but really didnt want to walk across the street and around the corner if I didn’t have to lol)

Mom: 3:57pm “What rm are you in,”

I didn’t get this text until a while later, and I didn’t know what room I was in until after he was born (I think.) I was glad when mom and Ari walked in.

I sent a message to Julie, (Lee’s mom) at 2:08pm:

“It’ll definitely be sometime today. Still waiting at home but I’m betting/hoping they’ll send me to the hospital after the appt.

She asked if they were going to induce me. I replied “No they wouldn’t have induced me for another week… I’m actually checked into the hospital now. I was about 5cm and 90% effaced. I’m all hooked up. (4:04pm) (I sent the same message to Lee, a couple minutes later)

I sent a message to Lee at 2:16pm

“I’m getting ready to go to my appt, it won’t take long but it’ll be today or late tonight that he comes gross and uncomfortable things are happening since earlier today.

                At my appointment I walked in a bit uncomfortable. I told the lady behind the check in counter that I was there for my appointment at 2:40 and that I was a bit early. She said “Early is better that late.” We kinda laughed. I thought I’d be sitting there for at least 10-15 minutes. I wasn’t sure what time it was, although I remember seeing the time 2:21 on mom’s van clock.

I sat down in a chair where me and Ari would always sit when we waited. I took out my kindle to play spider solitare, that I’d been hooked on for days now. I didn’t get to play much because I was called back already. I followed her to the scale. She asked how I was and I told her I thought today was the day. I stood on the scale. 249.7 was my last weigh in. I went in room 7 (I think)

I saw Nancy, my favorite midwife, in the hall and said “Hi” to her. I told her I thought today was the day. I thought she was gunna be who I saw. I sat in the chair and she asked me the same questions she always did. “When is my birthday, any allergies, am I taking any medications.” Nope to all those.

               She told me to get undressed from the waist down. As I took off my blue skirt and underwear, I could hear outside the door someone (midwives I’m sure) repeating that I thought I was in labor, and then a knock on the door. It wasn’t Nancy that walked in. I cannot remember her name. I’ve only seen her once, and I think she was actually supposed to be just passing through. I really liked her when I first saw her. She reminds me of a really calm sweet hippy. Her hair is a brown red, and curly, and she has this really calm voice. She asked why I thought I might be in labor. I told her I was having contractions and bloody discharge. She asked if I wanted to check. I did, but I reminded her of the discharge. So I laid back and she checked. It was uncomfortable during the contractions.           
She said, “Yep, definitely in labor. You’re at 4-5 cm.” She was still checking when I thought she’d be done pretty quick. She said I was 90% effaced. She told me that baby handled the contractions very well.

She told me I could either go home, or run some errands, or head over to the hospital if I wanted. I wasn’t sure at first, although I knew I didn’t want to go home. I told her I’d walk over to the hospital.

So I updated Lindsey and mom. Darcie had wanted to meet up with me after her dentist appointment.

Lindsey asked if I’d wanted anyone with me at my appointment, but I was finished already and told her that I was going to waddle to the hospital. The contractions were getting uncomfortable enough, that I didn’t want to walk over. I could have. So she was on her way over. I sat down on curb, at the edge of the parking lot of the doctor’s office to wait. I got a bit uncomfortable so I got up and headed across the parking lot, and was gunna walk up some steps and wait on the side walk, but by then Lindsey pulled in. I didn’t notice Charlie in the backseat until we were getting out at the hospital.
            We went in the front doors. I told Lindsey I wanted to get something to eat cause I was starting to get shaky and hadn’t really eaten anything. I wanted to eat something before I couldn’t anymore.
We headed for the birthing center, then remembered we wanted to get something to eat so we headed to the cafeteria. I asked if Lindsey wanted anything or if Charlie wanted anything. I decided to just get a cheese stick and a chocolate milk. I wasn’t sure how much money was in my account, so I stuck with something little.

                  We headed back toward the birthing center. Lindsey kept suggesting I stop during contractions, that I didn’t have to keep walking, but we did anyways (keep walking). The sign in the window of the nursery said 0 twins, I think 5 girls? And 3 boys? I can’t really remember, but I think there were more girls than boys. We got to the counter and the nurse asked how she could help us. I told her I needed to check in. The computers were giving them some issues , or the nurse that was helping me, had to step away. Another nurse came up, and asked if we’d been helped, we answered yes, and the nurse that was originally helping us, came back. We were led to room 17 (although I didn’t know which room it was until later). In the room, I was handed a robe to change into, and was told I could leave my bra and underwear on if I wanted to (and I did). I think I chugged my chocolate milk after we were in the room. I don’t remember if midwife Lori came in and introduced herself before or after I had changed. I had never met her before, and she said she normally worked in Keizer. I was a little disappointed to have someone I’d never met before. I was really hoping to get either Nancy, who I’d seen the most at my appointments, or her daughter Molly, who I’d been seeing the last couple weeks.
    Lindsey was waiting for Keith to come get Charlie, but it was almost time for Elsie to get off the bus so she just ended up taking Charlie to Keith. I don’t remember if she was still there when I was getting hooked up to the fetal monitor and the IV in my arm. I had to get the IV for the group B step that I’d tested positive for at about 31 weeks. Or maybe it was 36 weeks. I can’t remember. I think the nurse tried my right arm first but then switched to my left arm, which is the arm they can usually get needles in. I got the IV in the side of my wrist.

             Sitting the bed was really uncomfortable. I had to get up to use the restroom at least twice. (The whole pregnancy, I had to pee constantly. For a while I thought maybe I had a UTI, but there was never any pain, but I’d have the urge to pee while I was at work, I’d go, and only like a teaspoon would come out, then I’d have to pee like 20 minutes later)

           The nurses brought in a big red labor ball (big ball you sit on while you’re in labor. No pics, darn it :/) They asked if I wanted to try it, and originally I didn’t really want to cause I didn’t think it’d help, but once I was sitting on it, it really did help and I didn’t want to get off of it. I think it was Lori that asked me if I’d like her to bring me something little to eat, like toast. I said ok to the toast and she asked if I wanted it with jam, butter or plain. I got it with jam. I took like two or three bites out of it like a half hour after she brought it, but each time I took a bite, and I’d have a contraction, chewing was really irritating and I almost spit out the last bite just to get it out of my mouth. By this time, the contractions were a bit more uncomfortable, and rocking on the ball, while my chest and arms were on the bed, was easier to manage. The contractions were really different from the ones I had with Ari. These ones seemed kind of quick. They lasted about 45 seconds or so I think. But they also put a lot of pressure on my butt so it felt like I had to poop a huge turd that just wouldn’t come out.
    It almost felt like the babies head was trying to come out of my butt! Lol (Maybe that’s what helped him to come out so fast, because they always tell you to pretend like you’re going to take the biggest poop of your life, and because that’s what he felt like, he shot out like a bullet.

(Once I got the epidural, it eased quite a bit, but there was still the poop pressure, just not that bad, just until Kai was about to be born)

I had to get back on the bed to be checked, and that’s when I could tell the ball helped much better than just sitting there. I should have done that with Ari!

When Lori checked me this time, I was still at 5cm, which was a little disappointing, but not surprising.

I got back on the ball. I think Lindsey was back, and I know when I was back on the ball, Darcie came. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point in time, but I remember looking up at her as she walked in. I believe Lindsey had already tried to give me a wet rag (that might have been when I was on the bed, and I wanted to throw the rag.) (she told me later that she was so worried and wanted to help me so bad but didn’t know what to do. I think she did a darn good job and was being so so sweet, even though I was irritated at the time!)

Lori would come in pretty often to see how I was doing, and she’d praise me, and tell me I was doing great and being so calm. She’d rub my back, and it was nice.

             Mom and Ari showed up sometime after 4, I think.
(I checked my facebook later that night and found a message from Ari at 3:29. She said “Where are you?????” She knew I had my appointment, which normally she was able to go with me, and I wish she’d gone this time too, but I also knew that when I went into labor she was probably going to miss school. I found out that she’d gone to Juanita, our cat lady neighbor and asked if she knew where her mom was. Juanita asked if there was a note and Ari said she’d found a note but she didn’t understand it. It wasn’t a note for her, it was a note I wrote to put on our front door saying “Please call or text before you stop by. Don’t ring the door bell,” and “No visitors before 10am) Juanita said, I don’t think thats for you. She suggested maybe I was doing laundry.)

              I was really glad when mom and Ari showed up. Ari looked a little nervous. She didn’t say much. We’d look at each other every so often and smile at each other.

Mom kept asking who was texting me. I think I was texting Julie, Lee’s mom, and Lee, just telling them that I was in the hospital and all hooked up, and a couple times I was texting Darcie.

I’d packed a snack bag for Ari. There were little bags of chips, apple sauce, cheeze-its, cookies, capri-suns. Mom opened a bag of sour cream and onion Lays chips, while Ari opened a bag of Doritos. I remember mom telling me that she yelled at Sandy when she was in labor with me because she was eating Doritos and it was making her nauseous.

Ari eating the Doritos was doing the same for me. I didn’t say anything to her cause I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but it was kind of grossing me out lol .

      Julie was the room part of the time, although I would have been more comfortable if she wasn’t in the room while they would check me. (Hind sight, and how much she loves Caius, I'm actually glad she got to be there)

I think it was a nurse that asked me if I’d like the epidural now. I was sitting on the ball, still rocking back and forth. I decided to wait a little bit longer. I thought that if I got it too soon, it’d wear off and it’d be as if I never got it. (Editing this on 8/15/18 and what I think I should have been worried about or what I meant to be worried about was it being too late to have the epidural)
 

I don’t remember what time Lee got there but I know we started talking about the name Caius Jacob.

We hadn’t agreed on a name at all until now. Mom and I had decided on the name a couple days ago, but I was still unsure about the name Caius. I wanted to just name him Jacob, but Lee didn’t like it.

I asked how he knew about the name Caius Jacob, cause the last he heard, was the middle name was going to be Mathias, and I was set on it. I wanted Jacob Mathias. We almost landed on Henry, but I wanted Ari to have a say too, and she really wanted his name to be Samuel. I liked Sammy and Sam, but not so much Samuel. I had grown to like another name she suggested, Asriel.

So as I was in labor and having contractions, I was trying to make sure Lee liked the name Caius Jacob. I mentioned that I know he didn’t like the name Jacob, but I think he said it was ok since it was just the middle name. I know a little bit later he came up to me as I was sitting on the ball and said, what about the middle name Oliver. I think I said yeah sure whatever. Or something like that. I guess mom heard me, and she was kind of shocked because I was completely against Oliver before, but I was so sick of fighting over what my kid’s name was going to be.
I would have named him Jacob and the whole name thing would have been over long ago lol.
               I remember there was a slight discussion on how it was going to be spelled, with a C or with a K. I liked how Caius was spelled with a C, but I liked the nickname Kai spelled with a K. But I think the main name was going to be spelled with a K, then I think it was Lee that said he liked how it was spelled with a C better, so it went back to that. Then I remember being on the ball, rocking through a contraction when I think it was Mom that asked if it was spelled with a C, or said she thought it was with a K, and with my head buried in my arms I said, “It was spelled with a K, until about 10 minutes ago”.

              Ari was being so sweet and I was glad she didn’t seem to be freaked out, although she did seem really quiet. She was holding my hand and stroking it trying to make me feel better. (the hand that didn’t have an IV in it) Around that time is when Lee got there (I can’t remember what time that was, probably closer to 5:30) Lee told Ari, “your mom doesn’t like to be petted, Ari.” (He said that because I told him after he decided he was going to be in the room for the birth---he’d told me back in June or July when I asked him if he wanted to be in there, he said no. I was totally fine with that, but mom said he needed to be in there. When I met his mom in July (on my birthday I think) she told him he should be in there too. His dad didn’t think there was any reason for him to be in there because he’d just get in the way.) Anyways, Lee said that because when he decided to be in the room, I didn’t want to be petted, and I wanted him to be at my head, and that he could look down when the head was coming out. So he assumed I didn’t like to be petted, which is true, but I meant just my head. Don’t pet my head. Lol.

       She’d come over to my every so often and ask me, “how you doing freak?”

I think a while later Lori came in and asked me if I’d like the epidural. That was probably around 6ish? I told her I did want it, but I didn’t want to get it too soon, that I was worried it would wear off too quickly. Then as I was saying that I remembering that they could just put more into the IV or however that works, and that’s what Lori ended up telling me. So I opted to get the epidural now. She told me that if I wanted, I needed to finish my toast now, cause after the epidural I wouldn’t be able to eat anything until after birth. She said something about if she let me eat it with the epidural she’d hear about it later or something. So I said, no I was done with the toast. Two new people came in pushing this big machine. One was the anesthesiologist and the other, I’m not quiet sure who she was, but she was pushing the machine.) I had to sit up with my legs hanging over the side of the bed. They were very patient (every single one of the nurses that I encountered would stop speaking while I was having a contraction and they’d wait until it passed, before continuing to talk) They explained everything about the epidural. I had to hold really still. I had to arch my back while she put it in, and had to tell her if I started tasting anything in my mouth. They put some tape over the epidural and told me it’d take 5 to 10 minutes to kick in. I definitely noticed when it started working. The contractions had been pretty intense but not too horrible, especially when I was rocking on the ball, but they were bad enough to where I couldn’t talk through them, and I couldn’t focus on anyone speaking to me.

I was a happy camper after the epidural kicked in, and everyone (family) could tell the difference. I was telling them about how the flashing “admit baby” on the screen of the Panda warmer, irritated me cause I thought it said “actual baby” and didn’t know why it said that. I also had realized that it flashed once a second. I could hear the clock ticking, and each tick, the “admit baby” sign flashed. (Just something I remember about that day!)

Someone had turned the tv on and there was a Harry Potter marathon on. (Twilight marathon was gunna be on on Saturday)

Before I got the epidural, I had to have catheter put in. There was a blond nurse that had come in with small prepacked catheter. She explained what she was going to do, then she sat down between my legs. It was pretty uncomfortable as she tried to push the first cath tube in. She apologized after a moment and said she’d be back, that she had to get another one to try again. She came back and apologized again, as she tried the second one.
She seemed confused as to why she couldn’t get it past a certain point, so she called in another nurse and asked her to bring in a catheter (she used a different term but that’s what it was) When the other nurse came in with the third catheter, they were both pondering what could cause the tube to stop at a certain point. They thought maybe the baby’s head was so low they couldn’t get it in, so they called in Lori to check to see how dilated I was. She had to really “get in there” (that kinda hurt!) and said it wasn’t the babies he head that was blocking the catheter cause he was still pretty far up there. So they had to try a third catheter. With each catheter they tried, I guess I would bleed a lot. I think I heard her say at least 15 ml of blood came out (I don’t know if that was each time they tried a catheter or total). I dunno how much that is but it sure was uncomfortable when they were trying to get it in! They finally got that third catheter in after just pushing it past that point of it stopping. (They’d asked if I had trouble peeing before, but other than going pee A LOT, there was no problem) I did tell them that I wondered sometimes if I had a UTI because I was peeing so so often (We’d go through at least 1 roll of toilet paper in two days, but since there was no pain, I figured it was just babies head pushing down on my bladder.) The catheter was finally in. The urge to pee was worse. I felt like when you do have a bladder infection and the urge to pee is there but you really can’t… do you know what I mean? They told me if I feel a trickling to let them know because it’ll most likely be my water breaking, not me peeing.

               The nurses and Lori were having trouble getting the fetal monitor to get and keep the babies heart beat on the monitor. I wasn’t concerned about that part because in the appointments, the midwives had to push down with the doppler to hear his heart, and a couple times in the last month they had to push harder, and got faint/hidden heart beat. None of these nurses knew that and since I’d never seen Lori before she didn’t know either.

I’m not sure at which point Kai’s heart rate would drop when I’d have contractions. I do remember laying on my right side, or on my back, and I was able to talk with mom, and Darcie and Lindsey as they sat on the couch.

       Lori told me she was going to have me move to my left side because baby wasn’t liking me being on my right side. So I had moved to my left side. It was hard to move with the tubes, and then moving during the contractions was difficult too.

They were messing with the fetal monitor some more, and I just figured they were worried that they couldn’t keep track of it.

            Around 7 or so, (guessing on the time here, but I know it was about an hour or so before he was born) that someone (nurse or Lori) told me that they’d like me to get on my hands and knees. Ugh! I didn’t want to move anymore. It was too uncomfortable moving during contractions and I didn’t want people seeing my big butt hanging loose lol! I slowly sat up and maneuvered myself onto my knees. I could hardly feel my legs, so that made it hard to move forward. They put this big green ball that was oddly shaped so I could lean my chest over it. One of the nurses (the pregnant one) stood on the right side, and I heard Lori mention that I wanted to keep covered so no one could see anything. If Lee’s mom weren’t in there (cause I'd only met her one time before the birth!), I wouldn’t have minded as much (but then again I still would have!) I kept trying to cover myself with the gown, and blanket, but then Lee came over and held the blanket up for me like a curtain. I was like that for about 10 minutes or so I think, before I went back to laying on my back. I didn’t realize that baby was dropping with each contraction, I just thought it was certain positions. At this point I was still thinking they were just trying to get his heart rate to stay on the fetal monitor.

Someone told me that they were going to step out for a few minutes and if I felt anything different, like a leaking sensation, to let them know as soon as I felt it.

I remember calling them back in at some point because I did feel something that felt similar to when I was in labor with Ari, a trickling feeling. (When I was in labor with Ari, I think my water broke while I was on the bed, I didn’t feel it, but I do remember the pushing sensation and every so often I felt like I was peeing my pants when i’d “push”)

         So when I called them back in, they checked (I don’t remember if it was a nurse or Lori). It wasn’t my water, unfortunately. It was just discharge. I was disappointed because it did feel more like a trickle.

It must have been close to going on 8pm when Lori asked someone, I think maybe a nurse, to step out so they could talk things over and see what they could do. They were gone for about 5 minutes or so before coming back in.

            That’s when Lori came up to me on the left side of the bed and said, that they discussed their options and decided that the best option was to do a C-section. Now when she said this, I heard her, but it didn’t register. I knew I didn’t want a Csection. I heard mom behind me say “Oh man.” or “Oh no!”

I know that I said something like, “Can’t we try something else.”

 Lori told me that the best thing to do because baby was in distress each time I had a contraction was to get him out by c-section. I didn’t want to argue with her, so I nodded and said ok. The reason I didn’t want to have a c-section was because I had heard my mom’s stories plenty of times to remember that the recovery time is a lot longer and you can hardly function for a couple of weeks. I had too much at home that couldn’t be put off for weeks. Getting Ari off to school, taking the dogs out to the bathroom (bending over and picking up their poop) cleaning litter boxes, and more.

They were talking about getting Dr. Yang, an OB-GYN, to discuss things with him. I was really really not wanting to have a c-section.

When Lori came back in with the other nurses, she said that only one person was going to be able to come with me. I wanted to choose mom and because I didn’t say anything, Lee said he would go in. (Mom told me on 10-13-17, when she was over, that she almost started crying because she started thinking “what if something happened, and I died, and me being wheeled out was the last time she ever saw me.” That made me feel really bad, but I told her, I would have rather have had her in there than Lee. (Sorry Lee!)

So I was told that the on call doctor, Dr. Yang would be coming in to go over things with me. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to have a c-section. I was trying to imagine being wheeled off into some operating room, and not being able to hold my baby for who knows how long. I couldn’t help but thing about what Ari was thinking too. I gave her a hug and said something like “I’ll see you in a little bit.” And I love you, and I know I said something about either going to have the baby cut out of me, or not wanting to be cut open, but that I’d be fine. I didn’t want her to be scared though.

Dr. Yang came in and I think Lori and him were talking for a moment, but then he turned to me and started talking. I don’t remember much of what he was saying to me because he’d keep talking through contractions. He asked me if the epidural was working ok for me, and I said that it was.

I know I must have mentioned at least breaking my water or something like that. He wanted to check me before they wheeled me away. Mom and Lee were still in the room. I don’t remember if anyone else was still in there.

Dr. Yang sat down between my legs and checked me. That was painful. He didn’t really warn me or anything. When Lori (and the other midwives) would check me, they’d tell me I’d feel a touch on my leg, then they’d check. Dr. Yang and his man hand just went right in, full force! He announced that I was at 10 cm, and we would at least attempt a natural birth. I think it was Dr. Yang that said everyone but one person needed to clear out of the room. I asked Lori if two people could stay, that I wanted my mom to stay. She said “Kathy, you can stay.” I was so relieved by that.

                 I don’t remember the details of what he said, whether he was going to pop my waters or what. I do remember the mention of the vacuum. As everyone was scrambling around, and talking or explaining what to do, I felt this bulge so suddenly, that I thought it was the babies head right there. It was the weirdest feeling ever. It lasted maybe 1 second, cause then it popped and I felt a gush, and instantly knew that had to be my water. I said, “Uh! My water just broke.” I don’t remember if I said “oh my God.” first, because it was such a weird feeling.

Very shortly after that I felt instant pressure, like the contractions but even more intense.

Dr. Yang was in between my legs, and they were moving the end part of the bed away so that the water and other after birth would fall into that and not all over the floor or bed.

This next part all happened so so fast.

I felt intense pressure, and I felt the urge to push until Dr Yang put his fingers along the sides of baby's head, and seemed to be trying to rip me in half.
Obviously thats not what he was doing lol, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but his hands. The nurses and Lori, and maybe even Dr. Yang were all saying to push, and to put my chin to my chest. I kept saying “No, no, no! I can’t!” When his fingers weren’t in there, I felt like I could concentrate more and could have grabbed my own legs, which they did tell me to do, but I kept saying “No! I can’t!”. I tried to fight through the horrible tearing apart feeling and did put my chin to my chest, but I didn’t feel like I was doing that right. I heard mom behind me, or on the right side, slightly behind me, say “You’re doing good Jess”

I did have Lee’s hand for a little bit I think, and I was squishing it pretty good from what I remember when Dr. Yang first put his fingers down there, but I let go of his hand when they told me to grab my legs and push.

The tearing feeling suddenly released a “pop” feeling, and I thought he was born, but I think I heard someone say “His head it out!” and the pressure was still there, then another “pop” feeling and everyone was saying “He’s here! He’s out!” Then he was on my chest. I heard someone say he’s a boy.

I don’t remember Lee sasying much, he was standing right next to me.

I was trying to look at the new little baby laying on my chest. I think he must have cried at least a little bit cause Lindsey and Darcie said they all cried (Ari had tears in her eyes) when they heard him cry. They’d all been waiting just outside the door, waiting to see where I was wheeled off to for my c-section when they said they heard them saying push, push, and then he was out. He was born in two or three pushes. He came so fast that he didn’t even have a weird shaped head, not even a little ‘knob’ where he’d gone into the birth canal. The doctor didn’t even have to use the vacuum (thank goodness!).

He seemed nice and calm on my chest as Dr. Yang still worked on me. I felt him pulling the cord, I felt it touching my area. I felt him still messing around down there. You know, after the epidural wears off and you think about either squeezing out another head, or you cringe when the nurse explains to you, no sex for at least 6 weeks, cause the thought of anything going back up there ever makes you ache… well that’s kinda what it was like as he worked down there. He didn’t seem very gentle. I could feel everything. I don’t know if they’d shut off the epidural, or what was going on, cause when Caius was coming out, there was so much pressure for one, which I know is normal, but I feel like maybe the effects the epidural should have had were not there.

The feeling of the long cord coming out, was all there, then I felt the placenta. I think I remember that somewhat hurting, or feeling almost like a slightly smaller head coming out.

I wish I’d gotten a picture of it. They are so weird/gross looking.

Dr. Yang explained he needed to stitch me up because I’d torn, and I think I asked what degree, and I don’t remember who answered but it was a 2^nd degree tear. I had a third degree tear with Ari, and the only time I said “ow!” during labor with Ari, was when I got the shot of lidocane to numb the area to get stitches. There was none of that this time! He didn’t give me a shot, (which I didn’t even realize until Lori had asked me how I felt about the delivery and I was talking about the only time I said ‘ow’), he just started stitching. I know I kept trying to move away. Not completely, cause I knew I had to stay still, but I felt my bottom half trying to cringe away. He said at least twice that he was almost done, and it just kept coming! He kept pouring something down there, that I felt the bubbling of it.

I think before he left he may have congratulated me, and might have said I did a good job, and then he left. (But I don’t remember, and I didn’t see him at all after that.)

I think the put Caius on my chest right away. I held on to him and tried looking at him from my awkward angle. I know he cried a little at first and the only reason why I know he did is because Lindsey and Darcie and Ari all said he did, cause they heard him when he was born, and that’s when they cried. (Julie had gone to the bathroom real quick, and when she came back, he was born!)

He was lightly wrapped in a receiving blanket, and I had my hands on him. I didn’t see his boy parts, but I know he was a boy cause someone said so. I didn’t see that he was covered in the white gooey stuff at all. Ari was caked in it along her back. It all went so so fast that I vaguely remember people around me. I know Lee was next to me cause I had squished his hand, but I had to ask mom where she was standing. I felt like she was behind Lee, above my head, but she said she was standing next to Lee so she saw Caius come out. I don’t know where certain nurses were standing. I don’t know who clamped the cord, but whoever it was, I remember them handing Lee scissors to cut the cord.

A nurse (the one in pictures doing Kai’s foot prints) asked if I wanted to see the placenta before they got rid of it. (I remember thinking, as I looked at it from a distance, that I wonder if they’re really going to throw it away, or if they are going to use it for something that I don’t know about-- Later that night or the next day, a nurse said they were going to test his placenta, either because of his temperature staying low, or some other reason) I kinda looked at it (the placenta)… now I kinda wish I’d gotten a photo. I know that sounds really weird, but just to record that part of my life I guess. Mom was telling the nurse that she thought placentas looked gross. The nurse said she thought they were pretty cool and interesting. From the image in my head of Kai’s placenta, I think the cord was thin looking.

I remember talking to Kai a little bit as he laid on my chest. I tried lifting him a little so mom could see him better. He was so little and I didn’t want to accidentally drop him so I didn’t give anyone too good of a look yet.

Lindsey popped her head in about 5 or 10 minutes after Caius was born and asked if Ari could come in. I said yes, and Lori said of course, but instead of just Ari, everyone came in. (Darcie, Lindsey, and Julie) and I think Shane was there at this point. On my birth plan that the midwives had me fill out, I wrote that for at least the first hour I only wanted, Ari, mom and Lee if he wanted to be in the room. Then other people could visit.

I had completely forgotten, but later after mom and Ari left she told me Ari was really upset that she didn’t get to hold the baby first like we’d planned. That really upset me. I don’t remember who, besides me, got to hold him first. It may have been Lee, which is fine, but Ari didn't get to hold him at all until the next day.

I kept saying that I was itchy. I was told it was from the epidural and that it’d go away soon. I told mom that it reminded me of when I drank cherry pepsi and had an allergic reaction to it. (Without the swelling of my tongue, and eyes)

I hope it wasn't too graphic for you and that you enjoyed reading!