Bindi going bye bye?

***Update 7-26-11***
I emailed the Pug rescue and let the woman I'd been emailing know that giving Bindi up is a for sure deal and I'd like to do it sometime next week. I also let her know I'd like to give my email address for the new owners to keep in contact but they won't even do that! They won't give JUST my email to them! They're making me not want to send her off with them. Grrr! Thank you people for making this a harder decision!



Hmmm.... :::chewing on my lip:::

Bindi and Arianna our first night with the new puppy

She seemed like a perfect 'ugly'/cute pug (at first!)

For the past year or more I've been saying I'm going to 'get rid' of Bindi and her problems. Never happens. I've stopped telling people, only saying it to myself that she's gotta go.

          Ever since I got this little googly eyed pug, well about a month or so after I got her, she's been consistantly itchy!

In the beginning I thought it was my inconsistancy with flea meds, but 4 years later know it's not that!

        After getting our first Christmas tree, she poked her eye ball on one of the branches (doubtful that the cat went over and poked her eye!) She almost lost her eye, but after fixing her eye and addressing her smelly smell and nasty gunky ears, figured out she had a yeast infection (not contagious!) The yeast infection was cleared but never stayed gone. It still comes back regularly.

        I didn't know what to do with her! She was chewing and making herself scabby and bloody and slimy! I felt lost for what to do with her. I couldn't give her up! She was my first dog and I have to say I do love her.

That's when I found an Elizabethian Collar, or the Cone/Lamp shade/funnel. I was relieved to have it. She really didn't hardly have to wear it when I was around, but after a couple of years of having one, almost constantly, she would literally hide like a child going to poop in the corner alone! She would go behind the couch and chew! Even with the cone on her head she could bend enough to reach her tail!

           Anyways, lots of vet visits and money spent there, I'm constantly saying enough! I'd gotten to the point where I was always yelling at the dogs and Arianna. I was stressed!

Finally one day I asked mom to take her over night. My goodness it was nice! I didn't yell all night! I enjoyed it. The next morning she walked in with mom, I was ready to go to work, but the moment I saw Bindi, my stress level shot back up.

I laughed and couldn't believe that a little pug face dog could cause me so much stress.

I'm not sure how much longer after that first night Bindi stayed away from us that I asked mom to maybe take her for a week and see how it went. She agreed, and that was back in May! She's had my dog since then and I have been almost stress-free for that long. I hardly have to yell at Zoe and Libby (who has been staying with us) They lay on the floor at our feet, as with Bindi she was constantly standing and moving and itching and rubbing.
                I feel horrible cause when I go to mom's to visit or the one or two times mom brought Bindi home to visit, I was so irritated just looking at her! I felt bad but I realized it must be resentment I guess. It was definately not her fault, just the way she was born. But being my first dog, I wanted a wonderful animal that people just adored. Almost everyone can't stand my dog. I love her, but truthfully I can't stand her either.

So with her being gone from my house so long and her smell gone... her body would secrete this odor that made her feel sweaty and grimy worse then just the doggy smell. Also she'd pee or poo in the house a lot. She'd get better but then at times it was almost like she was angry and would just go... like a cat!  (mom said she's started doing that at her house too and I feel bad)

   So again I emailed the pug rescue in Portland to ask if they could make a note on Bindi's file if they took her. One request I have is to continue to know how she is doing throughout her life. I don't have to see her, although pictures would be great, but I wouldn't want to confuse her more.

Another alternative was finding someone myself. Someone I could talk to and be sure they'd take care of her and know all her info and keep in contact with.

Back in October I found a nice family that had been looking for a smushy faced dog breed. They came from Monmouth to meet her, got copies of her vet records. But the day they were supposed to get her, I had to email her and change my mind. I felt horrible. She was upset and understandably angry. But she also understood. I was so relieved at my decision to keep her, and decided that I'd never try to rehome her again.

But now I know what it's like not having her home. I think it's different though, knowing I can go see her at mom's anytime I want.

Finding her a new home, I won't be able to. I can know how she is though and that should be good enough.

When I make the decision to find her a new home, I start thinking about how I'd feel if I were her.

Unwanted and ugly...probably really itchy and miserable. But I wouldn't care as long as I was with my family that did love me and know me.

And those kinds of thoughts ALWAYS make me turn back.

I can think, I'll be less stressed and she'll get the care she needs and she may get to live a wonderful life, not being itchy or miserable....but with a new family who she'll grow old with and love more then us.... another thought that makes me change my mind!

But I have to stop that. I have to think about what is good for her and me and Ari... and our other pets. I really can't always afford this dogs vet care and food costs (she's on special expensive food! which by the way does nothing for her!)

So today I've listed her on craigslist and will be picky and choosy about the kind of people she will go with. I hope I will go through with this. I think I will this time.  I've told mom I don't want her to come home. I've been enjoying not having to yell and be stressed all the time.

She's been with mom for over 2 months, they're growing tired of her problems after two months...I've grown tired of them over 4 years.

I hope that before I find her a new home, I can give her another hug (something I very rarely do or have done in the past because of her smell) and take her on a walk with just us....Although that may make me sadder and make me turn back on this decision and revert back to having a smelly house and being stressed... Ok, maybe I won't change my mind. I really don't enjoy having a yucky home.